How to have the best session EVER!


15th - 19th October NEWCASTLE (finally, I'm going to be near Scotland!)

23rd - 27th November SHEFFIELD

28th - 30th November LONDON

4th - 7th December CLEEHILL

How to ensure you'll have a great session with Penny!

This is a slightly tongue in cheek, non-exhaustive guide to how to make sure I totally adore you and will be overjoyed to see you again.

- Read my sessions page, and then read it again

The answer to most of your questions will be on there; please don't waste my time by making me repeat it all!

- Be open and upfront about what you want and if there's anything you cannot go without. I don't need a script, but things that I need to know are:

If you'd like me to wear anything in particular

What sort of things you'd like to happen while we're together

What substances you'd like to use

Any roleplay you'd like to do

Remember, this is your fantasy that I'm helping to come true - the more you tell me, the better equipped I am to know what's going to make your day!

- Be patient!

It's lovely when you're excited about a session but flooding my inbox monopolises my time - if I haven't responded immediately, give me a day or two as I may be unwell or on holiday, or just busy!

- Be realistic

If your ultimate fantasy is to have a bath of fresh double cream followed by filling your pants with 10 buckets of mayonnaise and you expect to do all of this in half an hour and also want me to provide all the supplies then I might just laugh in your face. Have a look at grocery stores for how much it would cost to provide everything you need for a session, and then either offer to give me that amount to purchase it myself, or be prepared to pick it up yourself on the way.

- Pay a deposit.

Paying a deposit means that I have confidence you're legitimate and aren't out to waste my time or wank over email ping pong, which means I can trust you more! I appreciate that you may be concerned about scamming, but my reviews, social media activity and countless videos should allay any fears that I am who I say I am.

Paying a deposit secures your booking, which means that nobody else can swoop in and book the same slot, as well as helping to cover my travel/accommodation/external arrangements/supplies.

I'm happy to accept deposits by bank transfer (you can even pay directly into my account with cash if you're worried about a paper trail), and various giftcards - unfortunately I don't use Paypal due to the risk of backcharging etc.

- Don't haggle.

Unfortunately sessions aren't a luxury and I'm not a charity! If you can't afford a session right this second, it's pretty rude to ask for a discount just because you don't want to wait to save up - I'm not a market stall after all!

- Be clean

Shower before your appointment please - brush your teeth, and wear deodorant! If we're planning an adult session, make sure you wash down below thoroughly - and that includes your butt too. WASH YOUR BUM. PLEASE.

- Arrive promptly.

If you're late, it wastes both of our time - if we've agreed to meet at 3pm for an hour and you turn up at 3:15pm and I have something to do afterwards, then you're not going to be able to make the most of your session and I hate to disappoint people!

- Get the business out of the way before the pleasure.

It's awkward if I have to ask for my fee ten minutes in and ruins the flow of our time together. Hand it to me when you arrive, and then we can move swiftly onto our messy fun together!

- Be mindful of my time

I'm always happy to go over by a few minutes if we're having a nice chat, but do be aware that I almost always have filming, meeting a friend, or simply going to get some food after a session planned! Staying for over 15 minutes past our allotted time without offering to at least compensate me for it can make me feel as though you don't respect my time and I may be unwilling to see you again in the future.

- If you had an amazing time, tip or leave a review!

If I totally blew your mind then a tip is always very gratefully received. Of course I understand that some people will have saved for a few weeks to see me as a special treat for themselves, so if it's not within your budget, a nice review on UMD is always very welcome so I can be confident that I've done a great job!

Penelope BanksComment
News from Penny

I've got so many updates and silly things to share that I don't even know where to begin!

Firstly, the most important news!

It's my birthday week!!!! On this Friday 23rd Feb I'm going to be eating my own body weight in cake and prosecco and celebrating all throughout the weekend. To celebrate I'm running a birthday giveaway; everyone who gets me a present will get a very special thank you (because I'm a spoilt princess brat and I love getting presents!)

Amazon Wishlist

Lovehoney Wishlist

Send giftcards to

Everyone who gets me something from my wishlist/a giftcard from now until March 15th will get a photo taken just for them of me using/wearing it, as well as FREE ACCESS to for a day, and 25% off my UMD store. My favourite present will get a month of access to onlyfans and a 99% off coupon, so if you've been thinking about treating me to something fun for a video now is definitely the best time to do it! Just be sure to include your email address/twitter handle in the gift note.

I had a bit of a catastrophical shoot recently. I slipped on some gunge when going to clean up in the bathroom, fell arse over tit and onto a bucket. Unfortunately the bucket did not survive the onslaught of my big bum and was crumpled without a hope of saving it. My bum didn't come out of it too well either!


To add insult to injury, I smashed the wine glass I was holding, broke my lovely new turquoise glasses and stood on a bit of glass and cut my toe - my biggest regret is that we had stopped filming and it wasn’t caught on camera!


Things I have learnt from this:

- move things that would be painful to fall on top of out of doorways 

- Don’t leave my glasses on the floor during shoots

- Taking wine into the shower leads to glass in my foot

I think next time I’ll have to have a sippy cup to avoid any more spills and damages!


All in all though I had a wonderful day, starting it off with an awesome session (you can read the very complimentary review here) and then shooting some interesting stuff. I had Marcus Quillian over to shoot together and we started off by trying out some artsy shots of wine dripping seductively over my nude body and drizzling syrup over my lips - delicious! I love how I look like a vampire in the shots - he's got some wonderful gifs of wine being poured over on his ThousandFaces Twitter.

Then we filmed a crazily hot damsel in distress video where I’m tied up, have my schoolgirl outfit ripped off and am punished with gunge complete with head dunking. I was pretty exhausted after all that wriggling around though - it’s pretty hard to wipe gunge out of your face when you’ve got your wrists cuffed behind your back!


Slippery-Skin took some incredible shots of the aftermath - I’ll give you a sneaky peek because I can’t help but share them! You can see the whole photo set over at

I'm still getting organised for my trips around the UK, but I'll keep you updated on that - in the meantime, I'm still available for outcalls in London & surrounding areas regularly and should have some incall spaces soon too!

For those who are based in other countries who can't come see me in person, my latest video is out and it's a very exciting one - my first topless release, eep! 

Clad in some sexy officewear I turned myself into an ice cream sundae complete with sprinkles! Here’s some stills - you can check out the whole movie here!

This is my first ever topless release and I’m a little nervous about posting it so please leave lots of lovely comments to encourage me to build up the courage to post more!




Penelope Banks Comment
I've had a busy weekend!

Hey guys!

So after finally getting my website together I had a crazy day filming yesterday with my pals CKWAM and Slipperyskin. We shot some incredible stuff! I treated myself to some new lights, and you can see an amazing difference in the quality of my videos already.

As a special treat, here's a sneak peek of one of the shoots that hasn't even been posted on Twitter yet! What do you think? Comment below and let me know ;)

Penny Banks


penny banks wam topless covered in green gunge
Penelope BanksComment